Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tuesday's Giggle

I've been doing a really big project the last few days. Since I was 12 I've kept a journal. Now before you start telling me how amazing that is, it's been spuradic and often I'll go a year or two without writing anything. However they've always been in several different places. Blogs, websites, handwritten journals.

I want to combine them all into one place for ease of reading. I actually had this accomplished a few years ago, and then the computer died...so now I'm re-doing a project that I've already done. It's actually interesting the memories that get pulled up re-reading as I'm typing...

Anyway, in doing so I found this little nugget of giggle worthy reading and thought I'd share. Its always been something to bring a smile to my face. Enjoy your hot Tuesday my friends!

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the
flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the
problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the
next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor!

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted
by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.( By the
way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. (Distance Measuring equipment)
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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